Ashes

I have to say that today was probably the strangest day of my life, we spread Darcy’s ashes out over the ocean this afternoon.

It was done by the Omega Society who I thought did a very good job all the way around. I pretty much signed my name a couple of times and wrote a couple of checks and they took care of everything else.

The boat was beautiful, a real luxury yacht, which just made it seem surreal. It took maybe 45 minutes to get out of Newport Harbor into the open sea. It was very relaxing and being out in the open air and ocean like that gave me a real sense of freedom.

They had Darcy wrapped up in what felt like a tablecloth. I leaned over the rail and unfurled it to let the ashes sail out and into the water, then we all threw roses on top of the ashes. The ashes spread very slowly at first so they stayed with the roses. The people at work had all chipped in and gotten flowers for us as well to toss into the ocean and we did that to, then the captain piloted the boat in a circle around the ashes and flowers.

All I could do was stand at the rail and cry. But it felt like we were letting her go, giving her freedom. I’ve been to a lot of ordinary funerals and that freedom wasn’t there, it was just sad as the casket is lowered into the ground. Much better to float through the ocean. My main thought was, “Boy, I wish Darcy could see this she would have really liked it.”

That is what bothers me the most now. A dozen times a day I see things and my immediate reaction is “Got to tell Darcy about that one!” Then realize I can’t do that ever again. I can certainly understand why religious people want to think the dear departed is watching somehow, or that we will all met up again in heaven. The thought would be comforting but no one can just choose to believe something that seems like complete nonsense.

At one point I thought back to our 22 years together and remembered her in better times and in better health. It was good to think of her like that.